is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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