I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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