You really coming over, don't trick.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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