I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize