apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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