ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
