i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
