Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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