okay pat passed out under dana's car
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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