Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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