6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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