Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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