I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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