i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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