I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
