Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
