he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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