note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
