His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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