I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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