Moan for me like Helen Keller
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
