I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
