i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
