i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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