You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
