ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize