I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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