just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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