Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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