you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
