I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
