I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
