I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
