see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
