I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I could fuck to npr.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
