i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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