i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
