i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I know her cup size but not her name....
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