Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
