why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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