this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
