that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dick has a subreddit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
