If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
