id be glad to
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
