when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
