when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
