I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
