just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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