Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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