Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
