I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
