woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
