I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
