Who wears a wallet chain?!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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