im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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