I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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