It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
