I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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