I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
