I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
