I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
