I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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