I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
