I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
