Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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