He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
