Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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