I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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