im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
